I thought about throwing my scales out this morning. It was not because I am determined to never weight again, but only because I was mad at it. It REFUSED to say what I wanted it to say (and I am pretty sure it was mocking me in the process).

It would not have been as bad if I did not feel like I had been so good these last few days. I want to see results when I make the choice to do what is right. The scales did not seem to care about my needs or wants.

Instead of throwing out the scales, I reflected on my actions the last few days. Maybe I had not been as focused as I imagined. The mind plays tricks on the heart and body. I remembered that the first thing I tell people trying to develop a schedule for the home or a budget for their finances is keep a record. I have been keeping a record of my hunger and fullness rates, but I determined to take it a step farther.

It always seems to be about that next step.

Moving Past Where I am to Get to Where I Want to Be

Breakfast: I got up on time and that made a HUGE difference. I made a full breakfast and we were able to sit and relax during the meal.

Lunch: Ate alone, but ate the same as the family then was on the go the rest of the night.

Dinner: Sat down with others for a dinner meal at CR. It is always great eating dinner together.

I think I have found that eating with others helps keep me on track!

The moment you think you have it all worked out someone is going to show you that you were working on the wrong puzzle. Even if you were right all along, THEY will still try to make you think that you were off.

I am dragging my family into retraining with me because we all know how much kids enjoy THAT! Things went okay yesterday and I had amazing hopes for today. But my youngest had different plans that ended up derailing us all.

Get mad or get moving?

We worked together, got moving and only lost a little of the limited time we have for each day.

Breakfast – quick and easy so that we could try to get back on schedule.

Lunch – the kids are gone and I am on my own. I can look at this as a challenge or an opportunity to cement my desire to change.

Dinner – ALWAYS on the go on Wednesdays, but still was not all that hungry.

Life will never be perfect, but I can find a balance of peace if I choose. Look for the opportunities to do, and at the end of the day things will get done!

It was another upside down kind of day – although I TRIED to stay on track. Sometimes the effort is half the battle!

Breakfast – Started the day very healthy, which was probably my saving grace.

Lunch – nibbled while preparing food for a large group which is probably why I had such a small meal.

Dinner – I was on the go and ate that way but still stayed true to hunger and satisfaction!

There are days that just being aware means I have triumphed!

It would be easy if things would just work the way I wanted and I did not have to change one bit to make that a reality. It would be easy if I could eat what I want, when I want and how I want and not have to think about what that means later. It would be easy if my body would only take in what calories it needed and then would stop taking in calories – automatically like breathing or going to the bathroom.

It is NOT easy, but it is simple.

At any point I can decide that I will do better, be better and live better. At any point I can take one step in the right direction and follow that with another step in the right direction until I have journeyed the distance to where I want to go. At any point I can . . . but the question is will I?

The Can’s Make it Simple

- I can eat when I am hungry.
- I can ONLY eat when I am physically hungry.
- I can choose to eat more fresh and raw foods.
- I can drink more water.
- I can get up and go play with the kids outside instead of watching from the window.
- I can choose to use the backdoor because it is farther from the car AND requires stairs.
- I can make little choices that add up to a big difference.

Will I?

Breakfast – skipped altogether . . . normally that sets me up for a BAD fall.

Lunch – STARVING! But made a well-balanced meal for the whole family and we all ate together. Again, eating as a family was crucial to me not “making up” for missing breakfast.

Dinner – took the boys out because we were on the go, BUT we still went to a sit down restaurant. We all ended up eating about half and bringing the rest home.

It just goes to show that what I know works actually does work. Sitting down for a meal with others is better for me emotionally, spiritually and physically.

But will I keep doing it?

Weekends provide plenty of opportunities to fall off the wagon. My menfolk are often at the neighbors playing or down at Grandpa’s and I am left alone. Alone means NO accountability, and I know that I need that support and encouragement to continue taking the next step.

Making bad choices because I am alone in the house is easy enough – and I have the excuse that allows me to blame my husband for leaving me alone in the first place. Addiction does that – points the finger to keep from taking responsibility. I know that. And I have to make a conscious choice not to fall back into that patter of blame.

My choices are my choices alone.

Finding Encouragement to Change

Breakfast – cooked for one and that is depressing in itself.

Lunch – almost forgot to eat. I got caught up in my writing (and finished the rewrite of my novel). Made lunch light but still had to go it alone.

Dinner – had a late lunch so dinner was late as well. Keeping it light makes it easier to sleep.

I am the only one that can push me to change. Support and encouragement can help me get there, but they are not the driving force. I have to make one choice at a time and take one step at a time if I am going to get to where I want to be.

Where do you struggle the most? And have you found the tools that will help you overcome those struggles?

Sharing my journey has been something had helped in the past. Accountability does more to push me than just about anything else out there. I am not worried about punishment, but I feel like I will let those people holding me accountable down if I do not do what I say I will do.

Writing out my daily journey is helping me feel more accountable to the task at hand. I may be all alone in who actually reads the journey, but knowing that I have to put the words up on the website each day keeps me moving forward.

Finding a Path Forward

Breakfast – things were better this morning. Breakfast was not fancy but it was calm and satisfying and that counts for a LOT!

Lunch – hubby and I worked in the kitchen together and it made the whole meal that much better. He is NOT the cook, but does a great job assisting and cleaning. Sitting down as a family helps me enjoy the meal so much that I do not even focus on the food.

Dinner – no family tonight and that makes it tough for me not to snack. It helps to use smaller plates.

Food had been my priority for many, many, many years! I am learning that by making others more important than food I can walk away when I am satisfied and avoid eating when I am not even hungry.

Are you taking steps to begin retraining your brain to a better way of thinking and living?

The more I try to do better the more things that come in my way to try and keep me in the gutter where I have been wandering. I can settle back into that ordinary and expected or I can be bold enough to keep on doing the better to reach the best.

But some days I just want to quit.

Push Past the Pain

I remember training in track and basketball. The coaches would tell us to push past the pain. They never meant to go beyond where it hurt, but to go past where it was uncomfortable. Sometimes the uncomfortable situations and moments can seem like torture. BUT . . . when I push past that point of uncomfortable I find that I am capable or more than I imagined.

Breakfast – it was another late start for my clan. I am thinking I might need to rework the schedule. Still, I did cook and we did sit down and I am comfortably satisfied.

Lunch – we have our big, full family meals at lunch most days. It is nice to sit around the table and just enjoy each other for a few moments each day.

Dinner – long day and a late night for me. I think that had I not had a few things to do I could have just gone on to be without eating a bite.

I have to remember to come at each bite with the same thought – am I REALLY hungry. Thinking about if I need the food instead of if I want the food will help me to be sure I eat when my body needs it and not when my mind or emotions are throwing their fit.

Changing my life requires making daily changes. I know from the past – when I first discovered the key and put it to use – that what I eat is not as important as how and when I eat.

I struggle with being selfish and having a relationship with my food that no other person can experience or interrupt. Unless that is your hook, obsession or addiction, you may not understand what I am talking about. Me and food have been meeting up alone for so long that it is not easy to give that up.

But I want to change and the first step to making that change is releasing food and no longer choosing to be in relationship with it.

Overcoming a Relationship to Food

Breakfast – way, way, way late start. I kept telling the boys that we were not going to eat breakfast because it was almost time for lunch. But they are growing boys and we did have breakfast. I made the choice to do something SUPER light so that lunch would not sneak up on me.

Lunch – the late start left everything a little chaotic. It would have been easy to “eat alone.” I sat down at the dining room table with the youngest boy instead. I thought I would end the meal with a cookie, because sweets are important to a meal, right? I had to do a couple of chores before I could make it to the desserts and I was no longer hungry at that point. I guess if I choose to do what I know to do then I will be in a position to eat the way I know to eat.

Dinner – this is an on-the-go kind of day. That means eating dinner in the car driving to and from different activities. We still have a home cooked meal, but it is a portable one. Tonight was a mish mash – egg rolls, tacos and dinosaur pasta. Each person choose their own but we were all happy to share.

The more I work to change my behaviors and attitudes with regards to food, the more changes I see are necessary. Any addiction can be conquered – it just takes one step at a time.

My hunger temptations hit me at certain moments of the day – and for me they often coincide with taking a “break” to watch television. You could read that as the moment I become selfish with my time I become selfish with my actions.

OUCH!

Writing that out made me recognize how true it is. My selfishness does drive my bad eating habits. I think that I have known that for a long time, but I have chosen to either ignore it (on some days) or deny it (on those days when I REALLY want to be selfish). Putting it down in black and white makes it tough to ignore – another reason that keeping a journal can be valuable.

One Step Closer to New Habits

Breakfast – We ate on time today, and I went ubber healthy and sliced a fresh grapefruit. Does it still count as healthy if I put sugar on it? Sitting with the boys around the table make it easier for me to walk away at satisfied instead of eating until I burst open my pants.

Lunch – An early breakfast combined with a small breakfast made for a VERY hungry tummy by the normal lunch time. We sat down as a family and enjoyed the meal.

Dinner – We tend to break away and do our own things for dinner, and that causes me all sorts of issues. I think today was the best day I have had so far.

Day two was pretty good. I know that I can do better but I also know that one step at a time will be the only way that I will get anywhere!

Hint: Wearing pants WITHOUT elastic in the waistband will make it more difficult to eat beyond satisfaction – there is just not room!

Nothing feels more frustrating than holding the key and still not being able to unlock the door. I ran into that yesterday. Three keys sit next to each other on my key chain. They all look similar, but only one unlocks the house. I know which one it is, but there are days when I am not paying attention and I have to go through them one at a time to find the right key.

Yesterday I had to go through them twice because I apparently was REALLY not paying attention.

The key still worked. I just did not use it. A key not used will leave a door just as locked.

12 years ago I found a key for my healthy living journey. Six years ago I chose to put that key away. Two years ago I started trying all the keys on my keychain to try and unlock the door. I knew that I had a key to open it, but I did not want to have to inconvenience myself to get that key.

The door stayed locked and I became frustrated. I decided last night it was time to use the key I know to use and accept that any choice I make – even one that is NOT a choice – will cause some type of inconvenience in my life.

Day One in the Retraining Journey

Breakfast – the family ate late so I had plenty of time to get hungry. I still moderated what I was eating, thought about each bite and stopped at satisfaction (or that this is where I stop eating on a first date) point.

Lunch – I worried that I would not be hungry for lunch, especially after such a late breakfast. We ate late again and I kept to some simple basics. I think sitting down at the table with the family makes the biggest difference for me.

Dinner – I broke down (mostly because I was alone in the house and COULD) and watched a show while I ate. I did do okay and never pushed my full meter to its limits. I confess that I ate and early dinner because I was tempted to breakdown and eat a snack which would have pushed dinner way late.

All and all – day one was a winner!

What are you doing that will help you retrain your brain to begin thinking and acting towards your success?